Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Big Update

Hey, y'all! I just wanted to give a proper King Man Productions update:

Back in November I pitched a television show idea to Disney/Maker Studios about a pilot I wrote consisting of sketches, music and comedy bits.  Happily and gratefully, they contacted me in December and requested I move forward with a pilot. With some funding, King Man Productions produced a quick, funny pilot to submit, which after four days of filming, we turned in. After several edits, and much communication, I was asked to post the video online March 1st, and was congratulated per further developments. It had reached the final phase of approvals and if there are further steps, I shall hear.

While this is probably the final leg of this production, I cannot tell you how grateful I am and excited to share this with you all. It's a huge boost to the comedic brand my friends and I have been working on for so long and I am so excited for this year, and for the future. So many people have put in so much time and energy into this year, and we are just getting started. We have so many scripts, ideas, concepts, and talent ready to launch right into the scene; and we are thrilled to have you be a part of it.

The pilot will be posted online March 1, and you can always check King Man Productions  for updates and details. There are too many people to thank at this time, but I want you to know how much I appreciate my friends and all of your collective talents and ideas throughout this process. I love you, guys.

Thanks so much to Maker Studios/Disney; these people are the tip of the sword and have been so kind to me, and so attentive to recognizing talent and developing new ideas to up and coming filmmakers and personalities. I love them. They've given me more credit and hope, more encouragement and praise, than any job ever has in my life. They are the best and I cannot wait for what's in store for the future. 

Thanks for being a part of the ride, and from all of us at King Man Poductions, we look forward to traveling with you wherever the winding road may take us. God bless you, I love you, guys!

-Clark The Shark

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

The End of Show Your Shortz



Good evening my fellow comedians. This will be the last time I address you from the Green Room at Flappers. 

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

A little over three years ago I was handed the reins of the comedy video sketch show, "Show Your Shortz," by my friend Jacare Calhoun. The show was a vehicle for filmmakers and comedians to showcase their craft and stage presence at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank. Originally it started on Thursday nights, then moved to Sundays, then moved to the Main Room from the Yoo Hoo Room, then back to the Yoo Hoo Room.

My good buddy Dave Swan helped me host the show, and he was always on point and always "on" every single show. He never missed a beat and always delivered his same, remarkable, funny comedy. He is super funny, and I encourage you to check out @Swanagram on Twitter. You'll love him.

I've decided this past month to officially retire "Show Your Shortz" from the live stage. The show will live on, in a different state, online however. I am going to re-tool the show to be an online presence where every day a new video by a different filmmaker will be showcased for a number of reasons. We can reach a larger audience than a live screening and can introduce more filmmakers that otherwise would not have been able to attend a show.

The reason for ending the show is that it has had a good run, with some great times, with some incredible filmmakers and with a lot of packed material.  The show has run it's course and with new things moving in and different opportunities arising it is time, alas, to move on. It's just time to hang up the Show Your Shortz hat and end it with the respect it deserves.

These past three years have been awesome and I have loved every single show of hosting 'Shortz. I have met some really great friends, have had doors opened for me with incredible opportunities, have seen some of the funniest videos and comedians ever and truly feel blessed with such an experience. I have had so much fun hosting that show. Believe that.

I want to give my heart-felt thanks to a few people.

Thank you, Jacare Calhoun, my good friend, for giving me this opportunity. I have had such a great time doing it and I loved every time you appeared on the show. Thank you to Flappers Comedy Club, Burbank. This is still one of my favorite venues and I think the creative atmosphere you give comedians and filmmakers is a rare gem in Los Angeles, and you are amazing for perpetuating creativity and talent and allowing them to thrive. Thank you, VJ Thesis, the Reverend, for doing such incredible sound/video and sharing so many fun nights. Thank you, Will Nickerson, the coolest manager and dude Flappers has ever had, and thank you to the awesome bartenders, chefs, servers, box office attendants and A/V folks for everything you do.

Thanks to my good bud, Dave Swan, for all of the cool shows and putting up with my constant, endless and tiring references to Cleveland. You are the man. Love you, kinger.

But most of all, thank you filmmakers, comedians, supporters, friends and fans of the show. Thank you to everyone who came out to see us late at night, and spent your Sunday evenings with us to the wee small hours as we shared others' art and work. Thank you for buying your "two drink minimums" and putting up with us. Thank you for the opportunity of Show Your Shortz and thank you for giving me some really great nights.

The show will still live on in other mediums, but our live show at Flappers is now sailing off into the smoggy sunset of LA.

God bless you.

-Matthew Clark, 7/14/15

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

10 People Found In Every Workplace

by Matthew Clark



No matter where you are employed, were employed, what hours you keep or what profession you hold, you will notice a familiar pattern among co-workers.


Here are 10 people you will find in every workplace in the world:


1. The Sports Guy
This person, usually a man but not limited to, is usually chipper at all times of the day and can be found at the water cooler or the kitchen area. He/she will constantly ask if you if you've seen the "big game" last night regardless if you watch sports or not. He knows every statistic, player and schedule of every team in every city and can single-handily explain down to the last detail why his team won/lost over the weekend. You begin to wonder if he’s even a person or perhaps regurgitated rhetoric of mascots past.





2. The Minimalist
The Minimalist has worked at their job long enough to comfortably and meticulously do the absolute bare minimum of work in order to not get fired. Typically they have been working there longer than anyone and have successfully navigated their way through mediocrity. Forget asking them to stay late, take on a little extra work or go the extra mile. They usually arrive right on time and do not stay a minute past when their scheduled shift ends. This person is comfortable in their old ways and is an expert at skating by unscathed.



3. The Boss's Pet
Their sole goal and purpose is to always be on the good side of the boss.They are always quick to agree with the boss and jump up at their every whim to satisfy them. The Boss's Pet rarely thinks for themselves and ultimately waits for any indication of what the boss wants so that they are sure to heed their whim. They are quick to throw people under the bus and will perform a complete 180 and abandon their own judgment and opinion in order to be in line with what their boss believes.




4. The Complainer
The Complainer hates his/her work and has no problem letting people know all day throughout the week. Phrases such as "Is it Friday, yet?", "That's not part of my job" and "It's only 2:00 PM!?" are common phrases. The Complainer typically is passive-aggressive and has a limited shelf life.

5. The Dreamer
The Dreamer is an employee that is usually OK at their job but is ultimately holding out for their big break somewhere else. Whether it's success and fame as a celebrity, a huge promotion within their own organization or even a large boost somewhere else, the Dreamer is convinced they will make it. Although they've probably worked there for 25+ years and their glory days are behind them, they have no problem letting you know that one day they're going to "make it."




6. The Obsolete
The Obsolete is the worker who's been there since 1981 and their irrelevant marketing strategies and business practices reflect that of the same year. They usually have tenure and are a senior team member in upper management which is how they have managed to survive with such little modern skill. Sometimes they can be classified as a minimalist (see #2). The Obsolete still thinks paper-mailing marketing is on the cutting edge of advertising and if they ever lose their job they would probably never find work again.


7. The Nepotist
The Nepotist is self-explanatory. This employee is only there because their dad or boyfriend's uncle owns the company and they were hired simply because of a relationship as a favor. Usually, but not always, they are unqualified for their job position and are given special treatment. Co-workers can be jealous of this person but never disembark from smiling and kissing their ass.





8. The Bitch
This worker is quite possibly the worst one on this list. They always have a bad attitude and have no problem throwing people under the bus to save their own skin. This is probably because of some unforeseen resentment at home or an outside problem that they carry with them into the workplace. The Bitch is typically younger and acts like they are on their period 24/7. Sometimes they can be a bully so it’s best to treat this one like a cancer and call them out in the beginning. 




9. The Party Animal
This creature of the night is the "life of the party" that always seems to be coming from or going to a party, bar or club. They typically arrive late and almost always hungover; their hoarse voice hinting and the endless chain of cigarettes and vodka shots from the previous night. After 5 PM on Fridays they are ghosts and will never arrive before 10:00 AM on a Monday. They are usually fun and often are the subject of Christmas parties gone awry.


10. The Patient
The patient is constantly sick. You would think they were struck with a third world country virus with no antibodies by the sheer number of times they call out of work. For some reason, they always max out their sick days without going over them. Slim chances on finding this person here more than 60% of the time.



Thursday, August 7, 2014

Wildlife Crisis: Saving Endangered Species From Being Wiped Off of the Face of the Earth





If you ever look at my Twitter feed (@KingManProds), Facebook or any other personal social media outlet of mine it's no secret that I am passionate about the conservation of animals, particularly critically endangered ones.  Caring people tend to advocate for charities and causes they are close to, usually because of some close, personal connection.  Whether it'd be from something that happened to them or someone they know, or perhaps it's from an event, or maybe it's just because they care, there are many reasons people tend to support a particular charity.

In the past I have donated, and still do, to many different charities, but animal and environment conservation efforts have been my primary focus.  I love animals, and this goes back since I was a little kid.  My dad used to take me to the zoo a lot and I have always enjoyed being so close to these magnificent creatures.  Once, when I was five years old, I tried to climb into the Cheetah exhibit because I wanted to pet her.  My dad pulled me out in just the nick of time as I was almost all of the way in.  That could have been very, very bad.  But since an early age, I have loved animals.  

It wasn't until I was about fourteen years old that I got a donation request in the mail asking for money.  The organization was Defenders of Wildlife and they were requesting money for a wolf conservation effort.  That envelope was kicked and moved around on my desk (Yes, I had a desk and a phone when I was 14 and I was the man) for about a week when I finally made a donation.  I remember how good it felt to donate to a cause and how I wanted to do it more and more.  If you have not done so I encourage you to try it at least once; you'll be surprised and how rewarding charity is.  After that donation, more and more donation requests have come in over the years and I have expanded my charity outreach and monetary donations to a bevy of various organizations over the years.  I am a monthly sustaining donor to a bunch of them and I try to give a portion of my paychecks to a cause I believe it. 

Why do I feel the need to write this and share with you?  One reason is because a lot of these organizations need help more than ever; with the still weak economy, global hostilities at an all time high, overpopulation and other man-made problems, environmental/animal charities tend to be forgotten.

The most important reason I write this is because of how close to extinction a lot of these animals are.  It is absolutely heartbreaking.  96 elephants are killed every day in Africa for their ivory.  22,000 sharks are killed every HOUR because of their fins.  Rhinos are on the brink of extinction because people think their horns can be used for medicinal purposes, which the civilized world knows, that they cannot.

It is so heartbreaking to see that elephants and other species can be extinct by as close as 2020.  I do not work for an animal or conservation charity so I can say with conviction and ease...fuck these people.  Who does that?  Who is still buying ivory?  This is not 1890 anymore where big game was fashionable and exotic animal byproducts were considered a luxury.  Please, if you still buy ivory, I hope you get tusked in your kidneys.  And who believes rhino horns can cure diseases?  Hopefully whatever "disease" they are trying to cure by slaughtering animals will just wipe out the infected.  Idiots.

But how can you help?  What can you do?  There is quite a lot actually you can do right from your computer.  Get involved in legislature, read what the president and the senate is doing about the global poaching crisis.  Ask them questions, read their blogs.

Visit great organizations' websites such as the African Wildlife Foundation (www.awf.org), Wildlife Conservation Society (www.wcs.org), World Wildlife Foundation (www.wwf.org) and the Ocean Conservancy (www.oceanconservancy.org), amongst others.  Follow them on Twitter, sign up for their email alerts and like them on Facebook.  These channels and methods of communication will keep you informed on what is happened on the ground level, federal levels, and global levels.

It's pretty grey right now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Thanks to the hard work and dedication of these organizations there have been tremendous strides and victories in the fight for the conservation and preservation of endangered species and threatened lands.  Animal protection statuses, increased numbers, anti-poaching patrols and preserved lands to name just a few.

It's not just "some other charity" at this point.  It is a global threat that has the attention of many world leaders and citizens.  Help them.  Be the voice for so many species that are on the verge of being gone forever.  Do the right thing.

If animals could speak for themselves, they would.  But they can't.  So we need to.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Fan Mail





So....my good friend Jon Hassinger, co-host of the Jon & Agnew Show, has been hosting the "Rogue Show" lately on Podbean.com with our friend Katie Corrado.  They've recently started a segment where they read fan letters. 

I could not help but to anonymously write a few.  Here are three of them:

1. GenderBender 19 writes:

"Once I was swimming in the Atlantic Ocean off of Ocean City, actually, it was more like 'wading' in the shallow part.  You see, I am a man of larger stature to put it, meaning I'm obese, and I can't really take my mobility scooter into the water, so I was more ore less just splashing around in that part where there's about an inch of water in the sand.  It was kind of funny until I urinated profusely in my drawers.  That, with the mixture of salt and sand, burned me for days.  I had to put mustard down there.  Anyway, I was sitting there listening to Divo when I saw her...an angelic being drifting on a surfboard.  After some internet stalking and clever questioning I realized it was Katie Corrado.  I followed her here to this junction and just want to say 'Katie, please do your own late night show.  I would listen.'  Gotta go, it's chocolate in the dark time.  Keep up the good work."
 
2. WomenWarrior2 writes:

"This message is to Katie Corrado.  I have one thing to say to you, young lady.  Although, I don't know how young you are.  HOW DARE YOU!  Don't ever say a stay-at-home-mom is white trash again!  You won't be able to balance the lifestyle after you have a few little ones pop out! 

Regards,
WomenWarrior2 "
 
3. DiaperJerry writes

"Once upon a time, a long time ago,
I listened to an episode of the Jon & Agnew Show,
When to my chagrin, I was dealt a blow,
when I heard the voice of Kate Corrado,

Katieeeee, Kate Corrado,
Queen of domestic beer,

She's very friendly when she wants to meet ya,
works at Guisseppe's slicing up her pizzas,
is expecting a kid in a day or so,
loves the jersey shore and she can't wait to go,

Katieeeee, Kate Corrado,
Queen of domestic beer.
 
I've also written a full version of the latter, in which Jon recorded, but that will be released on their podcast in the future so I dare not release that now.
 
Thanks for reading and I will make more of an effort to spend more time writing on here.  
 
Please look out for more videos exclusively at www.YouTube.com/KingManProds and thank you!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Clarknet







The blog entry you are about to read is true.  Nothing has been changed.


It was Monday, April 7.  It was hot in Los Angeles.  I had recently woken up in the morning to the sounds and screams of (what I believe is) a schizophrenic lady in an adjacent apartment building screaming her head off again.  This has happened several times in the past and it's sometimes pretty comical, yet always annoying.  However, today it was especially annoying...particularly on a Monday.

Basically, this lady just screams at someone, usually uttering the same phrases, interspursed with long, blood-curdling howls.  The reason I believe she is alone is because I have never heard anyone yell back.  I mean, anyone in their right mind would not tolerate such craziness and would either 1) Leave the room, or 2) Put up some sort of a fight.  One morning when I left my abode and heard the sounds of the screams I passed a neighbor, whom was on his phone, and I heard him say to the person on the other end 'Hear that crazy lady screaming!?'  So it's pretty much established that she is crazy.

The screams and yells escalated to the banging of doors on this morning so I called 9-1-1.  After all, she could potentially hurt herself, and even if not, this is clearly noise pollution and a disturbance of the peace.  The dispatcher laughed when I told her I lived on Clark Street and my last name was Clark; I explained the situation to her and she said someone will come check it out.

I hung up and enjoyed a chocolate chip pancake (I never finish them) and then went to work.  While pulling out of the garage a dispatcher called me from the L.A.P.D. and told me the police officers on the scene couldn't locate the address.  The address I gave was wrong, A.D.D. at its finest, so I told him I was still home and could help.  He asked what type of car I was driving  and then told me to meet the officers up front, he'd let them know I was coming.

As I pulled up front the two officers were waiting for me.  It was the closest to Dragnet I've ever been!  I got out of the car with my aviators on and briefed them on the situation.  I didn't have much information to pass over to them but they were very appreciative and the policewoman on scene told me I was a good citizen and thanked me.  We laughed again about the 'Clark on Clark Street' nonsense and I was off.

God bless the Los Angeles Police Department.  I thanked the two officers and let them know how appreciative I am of their service.  These people really are heroes, no joke.

I did proceed to work and I did watch an episode of Dragnet when I got there.  It still holds up.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Articles on The Political Carnival


I'd like to once again thank David Garber of ThePoliticalCarnival.net for writing two lovely articles on the sketches "Not Guilty Match" and "Grammar Rap." He wrote such kind words and also touched into the modern perception of grammar and satire.

Here is the link for Not Guilty Match:

http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/2013/08/16/not-guilty-match-com/

And for Grammar Rap:
http://thepoliticalcarnival.net/2013/07/22/grammar-cant-live-with-it-cant-live-without-it/

Please check out their site frequently as it's some of the best writing on the web!